Etiquette: Can I Only Give The Groom or Bride A Gift? You Asked

Q. My question is what if I know the groom very well as a long time friend but really know nothing about his new bride? Can I buy something I know he will like and has wanted for some time? Can I let all the other guests take care of the bride?

A. This is a question many are grappling with right about now. The short and direct answer is no. Standard and, I think very wise, etiquette on wedding gifts dictates that your gift should be something that both the bride and groom will get good use out of. This is why many wedding presents are very much like the gifts typically seen for hostesses and housewarmings. When you think about it, the bride and groom may be setting up a new home and transitioning into another phase of life filled with dinners together and parties for recently acquired friends and relatives (i.e. entertaining!).

Classic western wedding gifts have often times included place settings, picture frames, kitchen appliances, candles, stationery and so on. Using this traditional backbone (remember tradition usually has a pretty good track record of usability and satisfaction) try to seek out examples that are a tad unique and modern. Personalize your gift with the new couples monograms or seek out regional designers so that what you give will end up being a wise investment and appreciating in value.

Leave any individual, personal gifts for another time such as a bachelor party or your friends birthday. Giving joint gifts will not only be less expensive in the long run but they will also prevent any potential hurt feelings or suspicions that someone has designs on their new mate.

Give Twice: Lavish Giving with Jane Pennells

While searching for wedding china I came across a new online boutique devoted to giving well... the aptly named Lavish Giving. Exquisitely curated by owner and founder Jane Pennells, here you will find some of my favorites including plates by NYC designer Jason Miller, Seattle based Rosanna, Elum letterpress stationery and these lovely faux candles by OXO that are a perfect hostess gift for people with pets or small children.

Even more admirable is the Give Twice qualities forming the backbone of the company. Started by Pennells after a bout with serious illness, Lavish Giving aims to give back by donating 20% of your purchase to the cause of your choice. This is done through NetworkForGood.org and a Good Card which acts much as a gift card would. Some are even giving this Good Card along with their gift as an added demention to the giving process.

When asked how Lavish Giving can afford to do this? The response was simple, "We believe that if we are clever, careful and frugal we can run this business on a very tight margin and give the excess back...to charity. "

Editor Picks




Image: OXO | Jason Miller | Rosanna | Jonathan Adler Kiki's Vase

Give Twice : One Dress - Chifundo - DVF

Why give once when you can give twice? Here are our latest charitable gift finds:

H.E.L.P. Malawi Children has launched the (as sported by the lovely Camilla Belle)
Chifundo African Trade Bead Bracelets to raise funds for the cause. These are gorgeous as friendship bracelets. As seen in Instyle magazine.

Designer Malcolm Harris has created the One Dress, $225. with over 1000 women after reaching out to them through social media, including twitter, about their ideals of a perfect dress staple. The result is created out of silk and can be worn a number of ways making it perfect for wedding season. A portion of proceeds will be donated to WOMANKIND Worldwide and KIVA.ORG. As seen in Focus Style.

David and Victoria Beckham have teamed up to create the dvb candle scented in tuberose, £20.00, with a portion of proceeds being donated to their David and Victoria Beckham Children's Charity which aids children with disabilities, childhood illness, accidents and trauma.

Diane von Furstenberg has created the cute Proud to be Woman cotton tote bag, $30.00 to benefit Vital Voices, helping women worldwide and lowering the carbon footprint.

Do you know about a company or gift idea that gives back to a good cause? If so drop us a line here at gavethat@gmail.com or twitter it to us @gavethat so we can feature it in an upcoming post .

Alex & Ani : Charming Our Friends

Favorite Friendship Bracelets

Remember those friendship bracelets you use to make for friends in camp? The sort with knots in them? As soon as I saw these bracelets by Alex and Ani I was enamored by the idea of finally finding a grown-up version. Now rather iconic, this unique design by owner and creative designer Carolyn Rafaelian gives those of us with tiny wrists a break and anyone trying to give a bit of jewelry one as well. The loops allow the bracelet to expand to fit various wrist sizes... pure genius!

Even more admirable these bracelets are created using recycled materials such as Russian gold and silver in addition to each piece being made right here in the United States. With a plethora of meaningful charm designs to choose from, including a recent Tonic x Alex & Ani Mother Earth version, and stacking collections, it makes it easy to brake up a set and hand single pieces out to loved ones. See them in action here and here and numerous other places on the blog because I personally adore them so.



Image: copyright MAM for GaveThat.com 2009

Also See:
- Spring Give Twice Gift Picks: Alex and Ani

Ottomans By Way Of Morocco

Guest Editor's Pick: reviews by our friends TheFind.com



Searching for the perfect accessory to complement my new John Derian sofa has been a challenge. I'm looking for extra seating that can be used as a coffee table for cocktail party guests and is suitable for the neighborhod kids to roll 'round on during movie night. Our Victorian home is furnished using both modern and traditional pieces with a bit of vintage glam tossed in to make it interesting. I found Moroccan pouf ottomans to be the perfect solution. I picked up a few of these Dosa square leather poufs which sit nicely in a row as an adhoc coffee table or strewn about for extra guest seating. I've also put a couple white Moroccan pouf ottomans in my daughter's room, the kids love to sit on them or use them as a table for dress-up tea parties.

Ottoman poufs featured above, from top left clockwise:

Dosa leather pouf/ottoman in silt, $437.00 at maxwellsilverny.com
Moroccan Pouf Footstool Red, $69.95 at fine-crafts.com
Moroccan Square Pouf Footstool Beige, $79.95 at fine-crafts.com
Moroccan Silver Poof, $299.00 at e-mosaik.com
Agadir Pouf- yellow, Large, $298.00 at anthropologie.com
Moroccan Pouf Footstool Black and Beige, $69.95 at fine-crafts.com

Editor notes— find more at TheFind.com including their new home edition blog.

Landscapes In China: Topoware - Esther Coombs

My latest gift motto is to go back to classics but find them in new forms. Topoware and the delightful works of Esther Coombs fits the bill perfectly. Both capture thin delicate lines that invite a closer inspection and deeper reflection.

Topoware, by Canadian designer Alexandra Deschamps-Sonsino and German designer Karola Torkos, gives you the landscape in map form and hides little messages such as Child, Mother, Father and hungry throughout, from £25. to £75.00 per set. London based Esther Coombs takes things a step further by breathing new life into forgotten bits of vintage china. Leaving her mark in-between the transfer patters and remnants of gilding to produce usable pieces of art. Around $45. to $75.

Image: Topoware | Esther Coombs

Encore: Gilt Groupe + CFDA Charity Sale Online 06/27 - 29th 2006

GIVE FASHIONABLY
SUPPORT THE
CFDA
CHARITABLE CAUSES
AT GILT GROUPE
YOUR INVITATION
STARTS NOON 06/27 - MON 06/29 2009

If you missed the first offering, this weekend Gilt Groupe, a free invite only shopping site (we have your invitation, sign up through our special link), will be holding a very special shopping event. Once there look in the Quick Style Picks box where you will be able to purchase (first come) items including t-shirts designed by Diane von Furstenberg for $20, Fashion Targets Breast Cancer limited edition candles for $25, Donna Karan yoga mat for $85, Michael Kors tote and more benefiting the CFDA Health Initiative and Fashion Targets Breast Cancer. Last go I snagged Michael Kors' exclusive Health = Beauty bag and everyone loves it including moi. An amazing way to give twice. 100% of proceeds are donated to each cause. See you there!

Also Read:
- Private Online Sample Sale Site Reviews & Invitation Codes

Vagabonding : Belted Picnic Blankets & Rugs

Despite the pouring rain outside I clearly still have picnicking on the brain, much like water, and have found myself searching around for one of those luscious rugs. The ones that are all belted up and ready to go. So vagabonding without the need to hop a plane or go solo. It might not be the most glittery of gifts but once people spot your inviting swatch of comfort they'll come from miles around, making it something rather endearing to offer others as well.

For the Beach...

Finding a suitable blanket for a beach picnic / bonfire fête can be difficult as most, perfect for grass, do dismal on sand. To remedy this I've found that heavy and larger versions of beach towels fill the void perfectly. For example take a gander at the lovely offerings by Yumi & Laurie. Especially the St. Moritz (pictured), $225. and Laguna, $195. collections. Not only are they lush and heavy enough to hold their ground but they also boast being 100% certified organic cotton and bamboo.


For the Lawn...

Looking far more like a sleeping bag (which can also do the trick but often times ends up being way too bulky and awkward to carry), the Highline Picnic Rug gets the job done for a reasonable $33 bucks. One of the more water and spill proof out of the bunch as well.




The Classic Leather Harness...

If you too have been salivating over the Hermès leather blanket holder, a mere $780 mind you, take a look at the classic Woolrich blanker harness, also in leather for $19. It might not have the same thickness or luxe look but it does have the attached strap so you can actually tote your picnic rug without the need for an extra $500 belt (nice try Hermès!). Use any blanket you have on hand (wool works best) and look instantly with it and pulled together. For those looking for the blanket and the harness together, as Woolrich has pictured above, take a look at the Optima wool blanket and leather holder offered by Lavish Giving, $136. with the added benefit of 20% of the purchase price being donated to the cheratible cause of your choice! Now that's really pulled toegther.

See, Opening Ceremony got the idea as well. Check out the gorgeous roll for their latest Fall/Winter 2009 line where they team up with the cream of the crop of blanket makers Pendleton.


Image: Yumi & Laurie | Amazon | Woolrich.com

Also Read:
- Wine & Cheese Will Travel

Even More Candle Picks For Guys

Yes, that's right I found more...

It seems that my list of suitable scents has grown so step on over to Shine and see Even More Candles We're Giving Our Guys, including the cult favorite I've given a number of times above.

Also Read:
- Myth Vanquished : Men Hate Candles

Image: Overstock.com

Give Twice : GenArt NYC - Archipelago - Puma - Charity : Water x Saks

Archipelago natural candles has created the Ribbons Of Love Diffuser, $49. and the Ribbons Of Love Soy Candle, $29. infused with the uplifting scents of Pink Grapefruit, Clementine and Pomelo. Each will have a portion of proceeds donated to The City of Hope, and other leading research institutions that are working hard to find a cure to breast cancer.

Saks has teamed up with charity : water to create cute t-shirts (Wet Cement collection), $40. and simple black bracelets, $10. Find them online and in stores.

PUMA has teamed up with John Armleder to create the Puma No2 Reality Bag, $2400, limited edition handbag which also includes a matching wallet, colored pencils, signed memorabilia, a USB stick loaded with content and more with $100 from each bag being donated to Contemporary Arts Foundation of the Rubell Family Collection. Surprisingly there isn't a Spiderman tie in but by the looks of it, it seems like there should be.

Clothes Off Our Backs is an online auction site where various celebs have donated items from their closet to benefit various children's charities. The swag bags area is particularly sweet. As seen in Self.

Ready Made magazine found one of the oddest comforters out there, you have to see it to believe it... the pure cotton bedding has a photograph top making it look like a pile of cardboard boxes. Better 30% of the proceeds go to helping homeless children in the UK. For more info and to order visit dutchbydesign.com. As seen in Ready Made.

Do you know about a company or gift idea that gives back to a good cause? If so drop us a line here at gavethat@gmail.com or twitter it to us @gavethat so we can feature it in an upcoming post .

Heath Ceramics : A California Artisan Tradition

Guest Editor's Pick: reviews by our friends TheFind.com

Heath Ceramics is one of the few artisan ceramic brands that is still in production today. It is founded on the California indoor outdoor lifestyle trend which began to emerge in the 1950s. My mother was and still is an avid reader of "Sunset" magazine and our dinner table was set with Heath ceramics every evening of my childhood. I was grateful to inherit settings for twelve of the Coupe line. As I continue to add to my collection I was thrilled to hear of the current exhibition at the Pasadena Museum of California Art. The exhibition, "Edith Heath: Tabletop Modernist" runs thru September 20, 2009. The show presents the life and vision of Edith Heath and her inspiration on California design through pottery.

In 2003 Heath Ceramics was purchased by Robin Petravic and Catherine Bailey. The husband and wife team have a background in industrial design and have revitalized the original designs founded by Edith Heath by adding fresh new color palettes and designs. In addition the Chez Panisse line is the result of the recent collaboration with Dosa designer Christina Kim and Alice Waters created especially for the famed Chez Panisse restaurant in Berkeley, California. I choose for the new Chez Panisse line for my wedding registry (since one can never have too many Heath dishes!) and I love the beautiful milky color of the glaze and the organic lines of the pieces, makes me feel like I'm dining in Chez Panisse at every meal. To continue our family's tradition with Heath, I've given my daughter a set of the children's plates. She loves the colorful crimson plate and blue cup and will surely be thrilled when I hand down my set of Heath dinnerware to her in about twenty or so years from now.

Editor notes— find more at TheFind.com including their new home edition blog.

Gift Shopping: New York Botanical Gardens x Lunt Silversmiths

American consumers are making one point very loud and clear as of late. Make it quality and make it American made because, after all, if you're going to throw your hard earned funds into the economy... you really want to throw it right into the US economy. This seems to be a major trend for 2009 although as can be seen by my past searches for simple bracelets and baskets, it can be a real ordeal.

One way to make the search a little easier is to seek out museum gift shops. When curated with great care these shops usually offer pieces from local artisans and handcrafted pieces done in small runs. One that has been recently created on a larger scale is the collection by one of America's longest running silversmiths, Greenfield, Massachusetts based Lunt and our beloved New York Botanical Gardens. Even better you can shop it online in their gift shop so that each piece can be ready at your fingertips when that wedding invitation comes a'calling.

Editors Picks

Tiered Silver-plate Server created to look so rustic and unpretentious. It's perfect for making breakfast special and making up for not venturing to Paris or Rome this year. I'm always on the lookout for these and this one is so different with the little bird sitting on top who, no doubt, will be eying your flaky pastries. $225.

"This silver Pagoda Lantern, $275 must shine brilliantly when lit and would be perfect for that intimate summer dinner outside. This Bird Cocktail shaker looks so Maltese Falcon even though I think it's a pigeon, $95. Pomegranate Paperweight's anyone? They have been "in" for some time, pomegranate's that is, and this one looks like a miniature piece of art, $60. The Plover Tray just looks like an instant heirloom, $288."

Image: New York Botanical Gardens

Gifts Guaranteed To Frustrate & Antagonize

By their nature gifts usually mean well but every once in a while things go wrong. We're not talking wrong size or color here but something much more dire. A gift that frustrates and antagonizes your poor recipient to no end. Playing unintended mind games and making them leery to except let alone see you again for fear you'll ask, hey, how's it going with the ________ I gave you!?.

In this installment the focus is on the much hyped plantable papers. A novel and much spun idea of covering biodegradable, natural papers with flower seeds so that when your recipient plants it a garden should pop up in its place. Everything from, greeting cards to gift wrap and as we see here, from the uber cool store Uncommon Goods, a plantable journal even, $25. I have to admit that this one had me scratching my head a bit... isn't the whole idea of a journal to keep your thoughts and ideas for a good long time? Why would you want to compost it? Even more, if it was filled with such unmentionable things, wouldn't you want to be sure it was destroyed: say in a nice roaring fire with you jabbing at it with a red hot poker? Maybe it's just me?

The fact is these floral seed papers are not new but are seeing new life thanks to the eco craze. The problems unfortunately are numerous but first, my own experiences:

As a child one of my favorite past times was gardening. Saving up my allowance money I would frequently order from gardening catalogs and one such order included plantable paper. They called it flower garden in a roll or something or another. Following the directions and clearing out a small space for my new garden I planted said paper and watched the spring rains create a muddy spot. Months and moths went by with absolutely no growth. Still I waited and left it alone. Fast forward to the next year and to my surprise that muddy patch was still there once the snow left. Not even grass grew there. Investigating further the paper never deteriorated as it said it would and even worse there were the faint remnants of germinated seeds smothered in the weave. Even then I remember thinking to myself... "boy, this sure would make a kid never want to garden again, how disappointing."

Over the years I tried many other similar products, some of which were gifts, only to find the same problems. Rock hard sheets of paper that refused to brake down and seeds that simply wouldn't germinate. Looking at the seeds listed on some of the products that divulged them I found that many of the plants used were indeed extremely hard to grow from seed &/or bi-annual meaning you might not find them sprouting until 2 or 3 years after you planted them. Moneyplant, strawberries, lavender and poppies are all known for pulling such tricks.

This and the fact many of the spring offerings displayed by retailers are actually coming out too late in the season to hope to plant and you have a gift that is best avoided. Especially when you see how these products tend to be more expensive compared to other forms of wrapping papers and cards. Instead try to grow the plants yourself from seed or buy well established plants to give. There still might be a bit of brown thumb problems on your recipients part but no where near as much failure fatigue from these no show seeds.

TIP: Go DIY and have a better chance of this working out. Look for natural paper that can be placed in dirt without harming the eco-system and hand pick seeds that have the best chance of growing. Some of these include most herbs such as basil, parsley and mint. Flowers include sunflowers, carnations and bee balm.

Editor note—in full disclosure I did not personally test the Platable Journal from Uncommon Goods but seeds and paper are rather ubiquitous and the reviews seem to mimic my own experiences. If you have had a positive experience with a product like this please share by leaving a comment below.

Image: Uncommon Goods

Also Read:
- Growing Your Next Hostess Gift: Aloe, Aloe

Hand-Marbled Gift Wrap by Galen Berry : Volcano Arts

A Dieing Art....

All I can say is absolute love at first sight! These incredible hand marbled and painted wrapping papers by Galen Berry invoke such a Missoni vibe and add a touch of fine art to your gifts. Best of all the wild and vivid prints will help mask any wrapping flubs and the need for extra trimming like bows is seriously discounted (a simple piece of natural raffia is perfect). If you wrap your gift loose enough or use these papers on something conical, your recipient can probably reuse these. 19" X 25" and $15.00 each. Framed as a print they would also make a serious home decor find.

TIP: Want to go DIY instead? Have some shaving cream on hand? Well check out this how-to on marbling at home. Sounds, looks and smells odd but it really works.

Image: Volcano Arts

Give Twice : Bon Iver - philosophy - FEED 2 Kenya

FEED Projects, home of the FEED bag we so love now has its own website and online store. On it find new versions of the FEED bag including the FEED 100 collapsible tote, $30., which zips into a small pouch for easy storage in your handbag or satchel. Also check out the hand beaded FEED 2 Kenya bag, $195., an exclusive of Bergdorf Goodman which is created by a coop of women and deaf Kenyans + provides meals for school children. For more information on that particular bag call Bergdorf at: 212-753-7300 or email: personalshopping@bergdorfgoodman.com .

We just love it when our gift pick x Gave Twicers have a real story to go along with them. The Bon Iver Charity Shirt is just such a find. Read about it at Yellow Bird Project and pick up a few at $25.00 each with proceeds being donated to a shelter for women.

One of philosophy's latest charity offerings is the She Colors My Day Bubble Bath, $20., with 100% net proceeds going to the Entertainment Industry Foundation's Women's Cancer Research Fund to support the early detection of women's cancers.

Beth Nonte Russell has created the fragrance ForeverLily with a portion of proceeds benefiting the Golden Phoenix foundation which aims to end child abandonment. $95.00. As seen in Redbook.

Saks has teamed up with charity : water to create cute t-shirts (Wet Cement collection), $40. and simple black bracelets, $10. Find them online and in stores.

PUMA has teamed up with John Armleder to create the Puma No2 Reality Bag, $2400, limited edition handbag which also includes a matching wallet, colored pencils, signed memorabilia, a USB stick loaded with content and more with $100 from each bag being donated to Contemporary Arts Foundation of the Rubell Family Collection. Surprisingly there isn't a Spiderman tie in but by the looks of it, it seems like there should be.

Bleach Black Blog finds dolfilms.org African bracelets benefiting and created by women coping with HIV/AIDS in the region. $15.

Fashionista covers the Tonic x Alex & Ani Mother Earth bracelet collection benefiting the Tonic Foundation.

Take a look at The New Eclectic Sound Experience blogs latest piece, A Gift Of Music, covering how you can bring music into hospitals, nursing homes and extended care facilities! Truly inspiring.

Do you know about a company or gift idea that gives back to a good cause? If so drop us a line here at gavethat@gmail.com or twitter it to us @gavethat so we can feature it in an upcoming post .

Image: FEED Projects.org

What Turns Free Into Chic? Wine & Cheese Will Travel

Flipping through our organizer and feeling the heat rising is spelling the major need for a picnic basket devoted to wine and cheese. Sure you can tote a huge basket spread to the park but when it comes to all those outdoor concerts coming up, space can be tight. That's when you just need the essentials like a couple of sumptuous bottles of decent wine and a wheel or two of cheese (we love the new Celebrity International cheeses such as their incredible Cinnamon & Cranberry chevre). Add in a few grapes and a cracker or two and you're set to take in the sounds in style.

Our favorite wine & cheese basket picks are from the creative Picnic Time who has created numerous versions to fit your style. The Vino Wine & Cheese, $59., for instance plays on the traditional Italian woven style which is sure to become a family heirloom. Our other picks, such as the Malibu Riviera, $69., take the backpacker trend up a notch with cooling compartments and a swank retro vibe. Cue Sophia Loren! All of these sets also make a unique hostess and housewarming gift few would want to refuse this summer.

Clockwise: The Picnic Time® Vino Wine & Cheese Basket, Malibu - Botanica, Duet - Botanica.

For anyone wanting to go a bit more eco keep a watchful eye out while antiquing like we did where many a vintage basket has been cast off. Add a few colorful cloth napkins, plastic wine flutes and an ice pack or two and you're all set to haul this on your bikes book rack. If this isn't a way to mask a frugal date, I'm not sure what will.

Image: copyright MAM for GaveThat.com & Picnic Time®

Coyuchi Organic Fair Trade Luxury Linens

Guest Editor's Pick: reviews by our friends TheFind.com


Located in the scenic town of Point Reyes Station, California, Coyuchi has been producing organic cotton linens since 1991. Point Reyes Station is renowned for it's progressive organic farming, weekly farmer's market visited by HRH Prince Charles himself as well as the home of the foodie's favorite destination for cheese, Cowgirl Creamery.

Not only do Point Reyes locals love Coyuchi, many luxury hotels feature the 100% organic bedding. You'll find the fair trade linens at hotels and resorts including: the Post Ranch Inn, Hana Maui Hotel, Terra Resorts, Colony Hotel and Hotel Triton. The Fairmont in San Francisco and Washington DC feature Coyuchi in their Lexus Hybrid Living Suites.

Coyuchi uses only 100% certified organic cotton in their linens and has been recognized with the United Nations Second Annual Fashion Industry Award for Environmental Excellence. Every fiber of cotton is produced in accordance set forth by the International Federation of Organic Agriculture Movements (IFOAM). Organic cotton is grown rotationally and alongside maize, sesame, sorghum and chiles intercropped with nitrogen-fixing plants such as lentils and chickpeas. Some of these plates serve as barriers and repel pests.

If you happen to be around Point Reyes tonight, stop by the Coyuchi store to learn more about their sustainable business and fair trade business and enjoy some champagne and organic hors d'oeuvres!

Coyuchi Local's Night
Wednesday June 10, 2009
From 5 to 8 pm 11101 State Route One, upstairs in the loft.
Point Reyes Station

Editor notes— find more at TheFind.com including their new home edition blog.

Do Me A Favor: Kendras Kollection & Paper. Scissors. Rock!!!

These have to be some of the cutest favor bags I've seen in a good long while. For the bag fanatic in your life you have these darling little handmade paper purses, complete with oh-so-in-now monograms by Kendras Kollection, $7.00 each.

Even sweeter is the inspiration behind each bag coming from Kendra's fathers simple gift everyday, "My father used to make my lunch for school and pack it in a brown paper bag. What I remember and love the most now was on the bag itself. Although I may not have fully appreciated it then, it would brighten my day and encourage me to read his handwritten note finished with a scribbled happy face. His time spent on so many busy work mornings to make his girls' sandwiches and leave lunch bag notes, was a true act of love."

For something a little more Dad oriented take a look at these equally novel Origami favor gift boxes in the shape of a necktie and dress shirt. All it needs is a little paper fastener at the lapels for a retro take. As is, it would be perfect for holding a gift card for dear old Dad this Fathers Day or any time during the year. $9.00 each at Paper. Scissors. Rock!!!.

Etiquette: Can I ask For My Gift Back?

A burning question among Gave That visitors recently has been the etiquette and ethical question concerning the request for a gift to be returned, as in How can I ask for my gift back? Taking this once again from a western standpoint here are a few important etiquette points to consider.

First, is what you gave really a gift? Here is the Merriam-Webster Definition of a Gift:

Pronunciation: \ˈgift\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse, something given, talent; akin to Old English giefan to give
Date: 12th century

2 : something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation.

Next

Some Examples of More Legal Definitions:

Donative Intent: Did you intend to make a gift and have the mental capacity to do so? Was the gift delivered and accepted? Were there no strings attached? Read more on the US legal definition of a gift at US Legal Definitions and Inter Vivos Gifts by Gerry W. Beyer, Professor of Law at TX Tech .

From Gift (law) Wikipedia -Revocation

"A donor may revoke a future gift, however a gift delivered and accepted cannot be revoked."

[Read the entire Gift (law) page for very helpful insight on giving gifts]

Lastly, Standard Etiquette's View On The Matter:

It simply is not done.

Well there you have it. The answer is rather cut and dry although, as with most things in life, there can always be an exception. That exception is going to be up to you or someone acting as a guardian, but it is highly suggested legal counsel is sought and a heavy dose of soul searching is done before proceeding.

Repeatedly giving and asking for gifts to be returned throughout life can end up causing irreparable damage to ones character and trust me, such a reputation has a way of spreading and reverberating through future relationships in unimaginable ways. By this I mean detrimentally. Asking for the return of gifts after a relationship has dissolved especially boils down to an appearance of vindictiveness. Something, many professionals, say should be avoided at all costs.

Watch holistic psychotherapist Victoria Lorient-Faibish talk about The Pattern of Control Through Generosity, a possible contributing factor to the need for gifts to be returned:


DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR LEGAL COUNSEL NOR WAS IT MEANING TO TAKE ITS PLACE. EVERYTHING PRESENTED IS FOR GENERAL INFORMATIVE PURPOSES ONLY AND USES EASILY ATTAINABLE REFERENCES ALREADY PUBLISHED ONLINE. NO LIABILITY TAKEN NOR GIVEN.

We're Giving : ExOfficio This Summer

While some in the Gypset are planning that world wind African adventure others can only dream and find solace in the numerous outdoor concerts being held around the city. The thread binding the two together? The need for some serious gear. Anyone who has tried to ignore the mosquito bites as they sip their wine or mop their ever reddening brow knows that coming unprepared can be highly unpleasant. The same is true in the bush.

This is what made ExOfficio's new line, now available for purchase online, so appealing. Noshing on pineapple, shrimp and hummus at Hotel Giraffe, the perfect backdrop to spend time with none other adventurer Richard Bangs, ExOfficio's unique use of Soy and thoughtful design work made for an impressive eco conscious collection. Wait, soybeans!? Yes, you read right... soy has been spun into key pieces for an incredible anti-bacterial benefit meaning you could probably do Coachella next year after all. (ExOfficio Spring Launch, Richard Bangs with Dr. M. of Best Picks Magazine)


Editor's Picks

"Richard Bangs' latest book Adventures with Purpose is a must give for anyone even thinking about vagabonding around the globe. Sure mini retirement and the such sounds fun but what if there was real meaning behind what you were doing? This book encourages this philosophy. Love the Neptune Hat with built in SPF and can think of plenty who could use one of these. The Irresistible Wrap is like a dream. So squishy and soft it's perfect for traveling to your destination. Lastly the Soytopia panties are amazing, totally breathable, anti-bacterial and able to dry fast. Perfect for all that boating this summer."

Image: MAM for GaveThat.com | ExOfficio | Collage: Gave That Digital Studio

Also Read:
- JetSetter - We Have Your Invitation

All That is Dyptique : Baies & Figuier

Guest Editor's Pick: reviews by our friends TheFind.com

I've been a fan of Dyptique home fragrances for as long as I can remember. We are lucky enough to have a Dyptique boutique here in San Francisco making it convenient to keep my household stocked and fully fragranced. The quality of the fragrances used in the candles and room sprays is apparent. There is no synthetic overpowering artificial smell. Two of my favorites include "Baies" a blend of blackcurrant and Bulgarian rose, evoking the scent of a green riverside garden. Also luscious is "Figuier" with its a fruity fresh scent of figs which evokes a feeling of a warm afternoon on a Greek isle. The company was founded in 1961 by three students from the Ecole des Beaux Arts in Paris. The products are packaged in with rather plain boxes with lovely black and white lettering and elegant drawings, a hallmark of Diptyque products.

Editor notes— find more at TheFind.com including their new home edition blog.

Etiquette: Do I Need To Give A Gift In Return? You Asked

Q. I was wondering what the etiquette is regarding the exchange of gifts? Do I have to automatically give a gift when someone gives me one?


A. One of the most pressing answers Gave That readers are searching for is the etiquette of exchanging gifts. Is it mandatory that you have to give a gift in return when someone bestowed one on you? The answer, thankfully, is very cut and dry... no. According to standard western customs and decorum people are not required to give a gift in return but anyone receiving a gift should make it a point to say thank you in writing. Even if you have already expressed it in person, get that card, their address and send it right out. Etiquette dictates that gifts should be given without the express thought of the bearer getting something in return. This is our methodology here as well.

Along with stocking up on sensible cards in order to write a quick note of thanks it is also a good idea to invest in a small journal or pad of paper and keep notes on what gifts you have received. Then make it a point to follow up and try to remember the person who gave you the gift's birthday, anniversary, holiday, etc. It will serve to strengthen bonds down the road and help to extract honest giving (out of love, care, admiration, etc.).

Can these rules be broken... of course there are certain gift exchanges and events that require and are founded on everyone exchanging gifts with one another and in some cultures it might be seen as a grand slight. Investigate everything beforehand and you should be just fine.

Also Read:
- Can I Ask For My Gift Back?

Myth Vanquished : Men Hate Candles

A few days ago something very curious revealed itself—men really do secretly love and crave candles. Almost to the point of being fanatical. The catch is, of course, the scent. No flowers or overly sweet confections need apply. Instead it's whiffs of gunpowder, black pepper and seaweed. Cringe inducing? Yes, but remember when it comes to successful gift giving, it's about them not us.

Editor's Picks

By far the most sought after out of them all is the Historic Collection by Modern Alchemy (D.L. & Co. offshoot). Housed in simple votive glasses and an ornate label depicting each scent, Douglas Little of Modern Alchemy, has done something other fragrance houses have only dreamed of. Attracting the average Joe male sex to do candles. With scents like Opium Den, Dia De Los Muertos, Speak Easy and Secret Society, essences such as juniper mingle with 19th century lacquer, smoldering tobacco and orris root. Add in the fact these candles are crafted out of natural soy wax and essential oils and you have something incredibly worth giving, not to mention burning. About $45.00. For an awesome gift set housed in a faux book see my post here.

Like Modern Alchemy, Molton Brown is unquestionably masculine and isn't afraid to steer a course away from the much used floral + surgery sweet foodie combination. Instead Molton Brown lays it on heavy and thick with herbs, dark woods and steamy incense touches. I love the departure as well because these scents are masterfully blended. No clunkers here. My top pick in candle form is Molton's Black Pepper Air Candle. Going deep with serious resins such as melodically gooey galbanum and spicy Madagascan black pepper the overall effect is fit for a king. The 80 hours of burn time and hand crafting in Suffiolk, England somewhat takes the sting out of the $75.00 price tag.

This one is pretty much a Gothic given and has no scent to boot. Clearly more of a conversation piece, slash chotsky, for all those gents wishing to be overly dramatic with foot resting on an ottoman and speeches about poor Urich, I knew him well... DL & co. - Memento Mori Black Wax Skull Candle, about $85.00. PS you can see mine in action here.

The Agraria Balsam Woven Candle is the most classic pick with redwood, sweet balsam and French sage dampening down the white flowers that managed to sneak their way inside. The overall effect of the woven rattan cane encasement gives this candle major rustic appeal in a Colonial Bombay sort of way. $55.00.

Need photographic proof that men crave candles just as much as women? Take a look at this from a rare Diptyque sample sale in NYC via racked.com. My top pick is the classic Diptyque Feu de Bois (Firewood) candle. Crackling in a warm sort of way and totally understated these double as pieces of home decor when grouped on a sideboard or coffee table. From France each retails for $60.

Another recent find has to be the Botanika line by DayNa Decker... see my complete review here. The scents in this line are lush, complex, well blended and feature a unique wooden wick that mimics a fireplace's crackling. Heavy, minimalistic green class container would be chic in anyone's pad.

Image: D.L. & Co., Saks, Candle Delirium | Collage Gave That Digital Studio

Also Read:
- Le Meridien LM01
- Douglas Little
- Even More Candles For Our Guys
- Are You Giving Candles with Lead In Them?
- The Best Secret Sample Sale Sites for Men
- Review: Paddywax Candles