Liquid Happiness? Kerstin Florian Neroli Water

REVIEW
Things are starting to really heat up now and that means so many chances to entertain outside. Some favorite spots include the beach, in a pool cabana and in Central Park... all of which can get rather heated and sticky. Recently a new product created out of a very old luxury has made its debut just in time, Kerstin Florian Aromatherapy Neroli Water, $35.

Created out of natural bitter orange blossom water (aka Neroli) and not much else this easily becomes addictive and a replacement for alcohol based scents during summer. A must for anyone spending time out in the sun as alcohols can amplify sunburn. Non! Cooling and very pungent in a va-va-voom burst of sweetness it's perfect for refreshing yourself throughout the day and, even more so, in the evening. Rather quick to dissipate, which keeps the risk of cloying you to death to a minimum. As for the happiness? Neroli has long been hailed as causing euphoria, so I'll stock up on a couple more bottles thank you very much.

Something Unexpected : Timeless Fragrance Pocket Watch by D.L. & Co.

REVIEW

When I first saw this last year I immediately went online to learn more about D.L. & Co's latest offering (at the time)—The Timeless Fragrance Pocket Watch ,part of the Modern Alchemy collection. From the outside it seems like a simple antique pocket watch but, hidden inside, a pool of hard perfume can be found. Not a new concept as seen in a past piece here but what was truly gasp oh how novel inducing was the price. Around $40.00. Trust me, once you tried to locate a watch case, the bees wax and essential oils to create your own it would cost you much more. A double take was in order.

Unlike many perfume manufactures out there today these delectable bits of steampunk x film noir are created out of 100% natural essential oils. Giving each scent a very earnest, true and raw essence. Something so refreshing for spring and summer. The scent pictured is called Yuzu Flower and is described as being based on a rare heirloom Geranium that mimics the scent of pineapple, grass and roses. Swirled lightly on the pulse points the immediate sensation is one of freshness and juicy citrus... going heavy on the lemon. The dry down is a tad moodier but keeps the same character as when first applied and seems totally ambiguous as to gender. With all D.L. & Co. offerings you'll find incredible attention to detail and boxes so luxe that they negate the need for further gift wrap. The instructions on the Timeless Fragrance box for instance is precious, telling the new owner to, rub your fingers in the fragrance & apply a liberal amount to wrists, neck or love letters. Major, major swoon!

More about the Timeless Fragrance Pocketwatch in Tuberose can be found here.

Image: copyright MK for GaveThat.com

Editor note—this updated article corrects product availability.

Also See:
- Douglas Little
- Modern Alchemy
- Hard Perfumes

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What We'd Love : Bec and Bridge Bracelets Please

Did you have streamers on your handlebars too? This immediately came to mind when I saw these incredible fringe bracelets a couple of months ago flicking down the Sydney based Bec and Bridge runway. After waiting and waiting they (seemingly) still have not appeared. Here's to hoping and nudging that they actually make it into production because I'll take two and gladly give up sweeping hand gestures and cab doors.

Image: Bec & Bridge

Returning To Something Meaningful

Gifts are starting to feel more like gifts with numerous people searching for etiquette on not having to give, things are certainly changing...

Gifts really do feel more like gifts right now and this is a trend that will continue to ramp up as time goes by. Gone are the days of filler gifts and the worry over what to do about duplicates. Instead one will find numerous web searchers for going DIY or wriggling out of giving altogether. Yes, you're chances of receiving anything has gotten a whole lot slimmer and giving... well the price of being social is really starting to frighten people.

As this much linked report shows hiding probably isn't the best idea. Not even surrounded by chocolate, the net and numerous Chanel 2.55's. Non. Simply giving $5. will make you insanely happier and so will gift shopping for others. This is because, according to the study, spending money on experiences generates better, longer lasting feelings compared to recreational shopping on thine own self.

This has generated many conversations about a possible shift in our society. Namely a return to something meaningful and budgeting a very important area of life... you're social one. The major antidote, in the gift realm, seems to be a back story. Can you give one? Can you find one? This of course is going to make for a tad more work in the searching department but in the end it seems so worthwhile.

A television program that really demonstrated this concept was one that cleaned up messy rooms. The host, who would always force people to hold a huge yard sale, asked the homeowners right on the spot about each item... "what's the story about this ________? Can you even remember?". If they couldn't come up with an answer quick the item was just clutter and moved to either the sale spot, donation area or garbage. In most cases when the item was a cherished gift it's entire set of circumstances were immediately recalled, saving it from the dreaded 86 pile.

A few helpful questions when giving:

• Will this gift fill a real need? This is where listening and knowing a person will really pay off. Working on getting to know people will lead to meaningful giving down the road and less of a chance of spending money needlessly on gifts that just end up being returned or unwanted.

• Has this gift got a story behind it? Is it made by a designer you love or will it benefit free trade? Is it green? Is it an antique with a unique history? Is it a family heirloom or something you created? Will it have a built in provenance worth sharing with the recipient? Something as little and inexpensive as an Aloe vera plant can fit the bill because it has such a back story.

• Has the cheap become expensive? This is one of my most favorite sayings and questions to ask on a regular basis. Everything is about choices today and making ones that lead to isolation can have profoundly negative effects, especially now in a time of stress. A simple laugh with a few buddies can have major reverberations that are felt fondly for days or even weeks. One thing those who lived through the Great Depression would always say to me was, "at least we had each other!". Stocking up on cards in order to say thank you or remembering loved ones birthdays might be some of the best money spent. Searching for ways not to have to give could be momentarily frugal but counter productive later on down the road in far reaching and unexpected ways.
  

• Could this shopping trip be more meaningful? Every once in a while it can be a refreshing idea to sit down and take a hard look at shopping habits. Are they really in your best interest and balanced? How much time is spent on things you covet (but do not necessarily need) compared to things meant to be given to others?
  

-MARIE ANAKEE MICZAK


Also read:
- How To Be Social Without Going Broke

Give Twice: Thermos - H&M - Missoni

The Fashion Against Aids collection has now hit H&M stores with T-shirts and tank tops designed by celebs including Yoko Ono, Cyndi Lauper and others. 25% of the sales price from each garment sold this year will go to AIDS/HIV related projects around the world carried out by DAA, YouthAIDS, United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) and MTV’s Staying Alive Foundation. Around $14.90. For more visit WWD online.

Charity | water has teamed up with Thermos to create the Thermos Hydration Bottle, a reusable water bottle perfect for staying hydrated on the go or while biking. 100% of the purchase price will go towards the construction of freshwater projects in developing nations. $40.00.

Margherita Missoni has joined forces Valextra to create cute little leather passport holders. Each one sold will benefit OrphanAid Africa. $290. at Barneys New York (212-826-8900). As seen in Bazaar.

miltonandmargies has created the handmade RED RIBBON RIDE- Pomegranate Soy Wax Candle, $10.00 with proceeds going to seven local organizations working to fight the spread of HIV/AIDS along with the Red Ribbon bike ride.

Another favorite blog of mine, Kingdom of Style (killer style mixed with tear inducing humor) has found Moxsie (not to be confused with Moxie soda) boots in, If Tiffany Made Moon Boots. $5. from each boot sale is donated to The (SMILE) Project helping children in Thailand.

Hanes has just launched the Hanes Pink site and collection with Sarah Chalke to benefit the Susan G. Komen for the Cure® fight against breast cancer. Find shirts and Passionately Pink for the Cure® event dates.

Anya Hindmarch of the I'm Not A Plastic Bag fame has created the High Line tote bag, $150 with a portion of proceeds going to the new park in NYC. Find it at Jeffrey (212-206-3928) and Anya Hindmarch's SoHo (212-343-8147) boutique. As seen in Elle.

Now Jimmy Choo is getting in on the act as well with a charity line of cute handbags perfect as a gift along with shoes (of course!) called Project PEP that will benefit the Elton John Foundation. Concentrating on AIDS a portion of proceeds will go to the Simelela Rape Centre in Cape Town, South Africa. As seen in WWD.

Do you know about a company or gift idea that gives back to a good cause? If so drop us a line here at marieanakee@gmail.com, twitter it to @gavethat or by visiting GaveThat.com so we can feature it in an upcoming Give Twice post.

Snatching A Celebs Swag : For Charity

If you have ever wanted to look through the key hole of exclusive events and the swag (gift) bags that are handed out, take a look at the website Clothes Off Our Backs. Benefiting children's charities including H.E.L.P. Malawi and Feeding America this site forces celebrities to stick to their promises of donating all that swag from events and gift suites instead of passing it off to ebay. Bravo!

Still Here: The proliferation of LEGO

Remember the virus like spread of bothers Dee & Ricky's Pixel Heart Pin after waltzing down the runway at Marc Jacobs? They subsequently popped up in Fred Flare and on Kanye West. Sadly those bits of LEGO genius seem to have vanished into thin air, along with the brothers, but the proliferation only seems to be gaining steam.

With numerous collaborations coming out we ask is this a fun gift trend heavily doused in nostalgia? Take a look at the new pair of sunglasses by LEGO x Lynx Optique and the fun digital camera by LEGO x Digital Blue, $50. At 3mp this is clearly aimed at children although it makes a hip chotsky for display. Designer Emiko Oye has been using the colorful blocks for her high end pieces at Reware Style along with fun picture frames and kitchen wear.

TIP: Are you thinking DIY too? A little Crazy Glue and you would be all set and no you do not need to buy entire sets to get the necessary pieces and or colors you desire. The LEGO website sells individual pieces in a rainbow of colors for order. How else do these guys do it?

Image: Lynx Optique | Digital Blue | RewareStyle | Fred Flare

Style Hack: Decorative Tape

Clockwise from top: Fred Flare grid, Fred Flare russian doll, $10. , Etsy:Little Crafty Shop rainbow, $3.90, The container store, $7.99.


I remember how not so long ago it was extremely difficult to find decorative (Decor) adhesive tapes and how some of the best were created in Japan. While the latter is probably still true I'm so pleased to see decorative tapes moving in new style directions, with some being rather lovely.


Lace Tape, $10. by O Boiler Design Office

These tapes are perfect for when you're sending care packages and the shipping container will also have to make due as the gift wrap or when you're looking to be a bit green as these spruce up plain brown paper something wonderful.


Tapeswell
Damask & Java Spot Decorative Packing Tape, $7.00 each

Fred Butler Pops Up At 143 Presents

This is simply a must pass on for so many reasons here. You have the 143 Presents angle but what really caught my eye was (no, not the candy... avert your eyes!) the way Fred Butler created those fabulous spiraling necklaces which are coiled on top of the hat and other assorted gift box looking props. Major inspiration here on so many levels. For a much better close up of the boxes and Fred Butler's work please visit the incredible Diane Pernet's A Shaded View blog. Why give conventionally? The idea of the necklace being part of both the wrapping and the gift is very admirable.

For those lucky in London you can visit the pop up shop at 3 Lowndes Court, Soho and for everyone else, take a gander at their website located here: www.143presents.com".

How To Be Social Without Going Broke : Spring / Summer Edition

one dress & four events

Kicking off GaveThat's series on how to survive the social season of weddings, garden parties, BBQ's without going broke or worse, becoming a hermit, we have searched high and low for ways to stretch your budget. Yes, we cringe at the word budget too but friendship and maintaining a network of meaningful relationships is not something that can be neglected for too long nor should it be completely left to chance. Making an allowance for what you can attend is just as important as that Dish on Demand.

One major way for us women to free up a large chunk of cash is to move away from the thinking that each event requires it's own dress. Even when utilizing sample sales and other outlets the bill can run up to such a point that there isn't anything left to enjoy the dress in. Instead choose a flattering, simple frock and re-purpose it accordingly. Here, a brand new site was used to test each look above, Looklet. Thanks to a special invitation from Carolina Engman months ago to the prototype site I have been remixing various looks and now you can too. It can be very eye opening to see how limited a dress can end up being thanks to too much fluff and this site makes quick yet fun work of it.

For the gents, you're slightly off the hook... wearing the same suits and sportswear you already wear at work will probably pass but you too can up the class by keeping a keen eye on accessories via sample sales online (think unique cuff links and an of the minute tie) and also consider getting your suits tailored, as seen in this Forbes piece Bespoke Suits for Less.

Next up, how to survive wedding season without going broke... from gifts to getting there.

Gave That's Top TIPS:
- Grow Your Next Hostess Gift, Aloe, Aloe
- How To Score A Luxury Gift At A Rock Bottom Price
- Go DIY On Your Next Gift
- Combine Charitable Donations with Gift Shopping by Giving Twice
- Be The Bartender For That Bash
- The Best Secret Sample Sale Sites for Men

Also Read:
- Tips On Tossing Your Own Charity Dinner at Home
- How To Survive Wedding Season

Planting Your Next Hostess Gift : Aloe, Aloe

{ And the top hostess gift is... }

Something very, very simple! As mentioned before cut flowers are quickly finding themselves outmoded here this year and the gift plant finds itself making an overdue return.

So do you go with something flashy like an orchid or a little African Violet? While the latter is rather inexpensive, most good (read not poached from indigenous locations) orchids will run $40 and up, act temperamental and likely drop all their flowers and buds within a few days. This withering show is one of the reasons gift plants started to become frowned upon. Would you really want someone to feel like a murderous failure? Some people take these things very personally.

Moving away from the showy thrills there is a whole world of hardy, meaningful plants left to give and the one at the highest rung would have to be the simple Aloe vera plant. With the social season of countless garden parties and BBQ's quickly approaching, here is why you'll want to stock up on a bit of greenery:

• They're inexpensive. While they have recently become rather scarce as people snatch them up where ever they're offered, most still sell for under $4. each.

• They're easy to give yet hard to kill. Forget to water for a couple of weeks or know someone who frequently travels? These succulents store water in their pointy leaves and can last weeks without any watering. They easily are revived when you do remember to water.

• They multiply. Aloe vera plants create baby plants (pups) right in the pot which you can separate and start as new plants. You can also cut the leaves, let the cut end cure over and then stick it in some dirt, again new plants will form. This makes it perfect for gift giving as you can grow multiple pots for friends.

• They are healing. Breaking off a leaf and using the gel, Aloe vera has been used for many, many years to heal the skin including burns, insect bites and other conditions. This is why so many like to keep one in their kitchen. You can also place a leaf in your bath for an amazing moisturizing effect. The pictured plant had 3 leaves pilfered within 2 days of its arrival—it was delighted to help and has since regenerated the missing leaves.

Placed in patinae covered terracotta pots, Aloes vera can be an unexpected architectural touch to your recipients home decor. When placed en mass as a centerpiece and then used as take home favors for guests. One caveat though, if you are unsure if your gift recipient has pets like a cat or dog or know for sure that you do, nix the idea of giving an Aloe which can be toxic if chewed upon. For more information on caring for Aloe vera plants check out Garden Web's FAQ's area on the subject.

Image: copyright MAM for GaveThat.com.

Buying a little Aloe vera plant was on our 50 simple gifts to give yourself list... want to see the other 49? If so click here.

Only Happy When It Rains : dav + marimekko

It rained through two straight weeks... is this Paris? Is it London? No it's here and it stayed way too long but it was grand. Really it was...
I'm convinced, one of the reasons why, was having the proper accouterments. It's something you end up looking forward too because you get to finally pull on those wellies and open up that over the top umbrella. So many do not have any of these things... you pass poor souls shivering outside or with soaked though shoes and a scowl. Poking around I found some absolutely adorable marimekko mini umbrellas. They are tiny! So perfect to give anyone as a just because treat. Shoes are harder to give due to sizing but wellies can always be on the tad big side and still be perfectly acceptable. I've been living in my däv sport boots, because from what I hear it's going to be raining all this week too and that shouldn't stop anyone from exploring.

Boots: dav 'sport'
Umbrella: Hayden Harnett for Target
Cardigan: Richard Chai
Umbrella: via OAK marimekko in kiku

Image: copyright GK for GaveThat.com | MS Stock | Oak NYC

Gilt Groupe + CFDA Charity Sale = 5/12 - 5/13 09

GIVE FASHIONABLY
SUPPORT THE
CFDA
CHARITABLE CAUSES
AT GILT GROUPE
YOUR INVITATION
STARTS TUES 05/12 - WEDS 05/13 2009

This Tue and Wed Gilt Groupe, a free invite only shopping site (we have your invitation, sign up through our special link), will be holding a very special shopping event. Once there look in the Quick Style Picks box where you will be able to purchase (first come) items including t-shirts designed by Diane von Furstenberg for $20, Fashion Targets Breast Cancer limited edition candles for $25, Donna Karan yoga mat for $85 and more benefiting the CFDA Health Initiative and Fashion Targets Breast Cancer. An amazing way to give twice for a reduced price. 100% of proceeds are donated to each cause. See you there!

This special sale is now over but for more secret sample sales online be sure to look at our comprehensive directory of members only sales complete with invitation codes.

DIY : Lush Wardian Cases for Mothers Day

{ Easy Spring Flowers To Give }

Cut flowers are oh-so-yesterday. What has made it's overdue return is the concept of the gift plant. Traditionally gift plants were either incredibly easy to take care of or they bloomed profusely for a short time, giving a bust of cheerful color to the environment. One of my personal favorites has to be the lovely and very assessable African Violet.

African Violets have so much going for them—inexpensive price, blooms that last for weeks, ease of care, they multiply and son on—there is a reason these were sold in supermarkets. They make a lovely housewarming, hostess and, in this case, Mothers Day gift that are quick to pick up and give.

In order to take things up a notch I wanted to create a reusable way to give African Violets as seen here. I've also always been fascinated by Wardian cases of the Victorian era and have kept many variations over the years. So why not team the two up together?

What You'll Need:

• Healthy African Violet Plants

• Natural moss or crimped paper

• Miniature Glass Greenhouse / Wardian Case

What To Look For:

• Miniature glass greenhouses come in many shapes and sizes not to mention price points. They're most commonly found in garden centers and florists shops but also check out antique shoes, boutiques catering to home decor, even your local supermarket or craft store such as Michaels cane stock them. If really pressed a large, empty glass hurricane lantern can also make a good substitution.

• When picking out your African Violets make sure that the soil they have been sitting in isn't bone dry or that leaves are starting to look badly wilted. African Violets are very susceptible to crown and leaf rot when they have been allowed to sit in water. Look for plants that have one crown and a rosette of leaves around the flowers. Plants that have too many sucker plants (baby plants form on the sides) can end up being extremely unruly and hard to get flowering again. For more on African Violet care check out Garden Web.

Once your gift has been given your recipient can remove the violets and use the case for other more tropical plants such as Venus Fly Traps and miniature ferns. This will be our next DIY gift project so stay tuned! See the DIY planted terrarium here!

Image: MAM for GaveThat.com

Lisa Hoffman Tunisian Neroli - Japanese Agarwood - Madagascar Orchid

REVIEW

Perfume and scent in general holds such an integral place in my life that it's incredibly hard to keep it off Gave That (why? see here). It seems to keep seeping through the cracks and infusing many of my gift choices with the latest morsel being the new collection of scents by Lisa Hoffman (wife of Dustin Hoffman).

Unlike many of the new releases this year Lisa Hoffman has remained true to her aesthetic of fostering natural experiences and has created perfume pulse-point oils that smell like actual essential oils and the plants they were extracted from. She has also devised a way to make them even more giftable by housing each set of scents in its own leather travel case and giving the recipient the chance to try 4 different versions. While Lisa devised this through her own experiences of applying the same scent throughout the day and how it would be more interesting to wear variations instead, one has to also think of those Victorian perfume clocks where woman changed their scents on each hours chime. Swoon!

The scents I personally experienced and would give include:

Japanese Agarwood: A blend of Lemon, Cardamom, Italian Bergamot, Japanese Agarwood Accord, Jasmine, Spiced Ginger, Muguet, Cedarwood, Musk and Amber. An incredibly herbaceous and green scent which could easily be used by both sexes, upon touching it to your wrist you'll find a burst of lemon and bergamot bordering on Clary Sage. As it dries down it becomes ever more green and dry like a cup of moss steeped with green tea. It feels clean and is perfect in its Spa Shower collection. My only deep wish is that it had the extra depth of an incense accord, plum or creamy woods to pull it further together. With the name Japanese Agarwood it seems like one would be anticipating such smoldering sensuality. Still, this is my personal favorite out of the entire fragrance collection and has the most chance of being cherished when given. As an aside, the body oil version is divine and can be an alternative to the perfume set.

Madagascar Orchid: Blends Madagascar Orchid Accord together with Lemon, Clove Buds, Lily, Tuberose, Neroli, Jasmine, Ylang Ylang, Mimosa, Pink Peony and woods. The end result is yet another scent which finds itself very clean smelling, almost to the point of being squeaky (as in sudsy) and very powdery. The peony really pops and the mimosa creams over your skin causing everything to be veiled and unobtrusive. If you or your recipient adores the line of scents by Fresh or Clean, you might have a new love.

Tunisian Neroli: Combines Neroli (Orange blossoms) as its namesake with French Ylang Ylang, Golden Amber, Italian Lemon and South African Buchu Leaf. Sounds delicious yet the actual scent smells exactly like Curious by Britney Spears... yes I am being 100% serious and yes I was deeply disappointed. With neroli and ylang ylang you would figure Tunisian Neroli to be almost too sensuous to handle—euphoric even but instead you have Britney. Since Curious has actually garnered much acclaim even from the perfume snobs and is simple, fresh and oh-so young I'm still keeping Tunisian Neroli in the coffers for the younger set looking for something sweet this summer. As an added bonus, for the entire month of May 09 Lisa Hoffman will be donating 100% of the proceeds from this specific perfume to the Nancy Davis Foundation for MS.

As with all perfumes try to get a whiff in person prior to buying. For those in the NYC area visit Lisa Hoffman's collection at Bergdorf Goodman and in LA, Apothia at Fred Segal.

Also Read:
- Soaked In: NARS Essential Oil Infused Bath Salts
- MD Skincare Detox Duo
- Spring Detox: Clarisonic & Opal Sonic

Beautiful Tea : Smoke & Fire

{ Tell me again why this went out of fashion... }

It's wet, dank and that can mean only one thing. Copious amounts of warm tea and a scone or two tossed in for buttery measure but that's so boring to give or is it? Remembering the equation that always seems to work: old standby + quark = cherished gift. One way to make this happen is to look in out of the way spots to find your gem. In this case how about a trip back in time to when tea was so valuable and taxed that it had to be locked away in pretty chests and came pressed in ornate blocks from China. Tell me again why all of this went out of fashion...

Starting with the pressed black tea tiles, which have been shipped from China for some 300 years now can be found at the little shop for re-enactors Smoke & Fire for $23.00 each (large) and $2.50 (tiny). Beautifully embossed with a traditional, ornate design one would be hard pressed to actually steep it (sorry, for the pun). This would make such a unique and talked about hostess or housewarming gift and do not worry, brewing instructions are included.

The other find is a chest to hold and give some pretty tasty teas. This helps to fulfill the wish to give a gift where the packaging and presentation is totally reusable. These boxes come in so many shapes, sizes, woods and forms of ornamentation not to mention price ranges. Most of the major tea brands have started creating them once again so look up your favorite tea's website to see if they offer one as well. Best of all once the tea is gone they make fantastic keepsake boxes for jewelry, beads, small trinkets and so on. Check out the Wissotzky Magic Tea Chest which looks perfectly colonial and a nice counterpart to the above tea tiles.

Image: Smoke & Fire

Sephora Sun Safety Gift Kit : May Skin Cancer Awareness Month

Kicking off the official Skin Cancer Awareness Month (May) is a great kit that doubles as a give twice gift. Over at Sephora find this Sun Safety Kit, $23 filled with travel sized samples from such brands as DDF, Clarins, Ole Henriksen and Smashbox to help skin stave off cancer. It also comes with a pretty yellow expandable bag perfect for housing your gifts and the beach and travel later on. Reusable gift wrap is the way to go! Now for the give twice bonus. 100% of the proceeds from each kit will go to the Skin Cancer Foundation.

Give Twice: New Yorkers for Children HauteLook Online Sale June 4th - June 5th

Be sure to save June 4th and 5th 2009 for the HauteLook New Yorkers for Children online charity sale. 100% of proceeds from this two day event will go to the cause helping New York children through college scholarships, tutoring programs, and mentoring.

Dieing for a glimpse of what will be up for grabs? Try Rachel Roy jewelry, Tom Ford, Missoni and Alexander McQueen handbags, a Mercedes Benz weekend rental (!), Roger Vivier sunglasses and much more for up to 50% off. Many surprises and great gift picks for sure so see you there! [Click here to join.]

HauteLook.com is an online sample sale site that sells premium brands for 50-75% off retail prices. Membership is FREE to join and there are no commitments or charges for being a member.

Declining Gifts with Grace - Saying No Thank You

Why saying no thank you might be easier than you think.

After reading my past piece, When Someone Declines and Returns A Gift You Gave, many coming to Gave That have been wondering about the flip side of such a tricky situation. Specifically how to go about saying no to a gift and giving it back? Fortunately the answer to that is rather simple, it's when you probe into why a gift should be returned that things can get murky. First, tackling the easy part of the dilemma, saying no thank you.

That really is all you have to to do. Most of us know about K.I.S.S. and this is the perfect time to stick to that sage advice... keep it simple and stay away from anything drawn out. This shouldn't be a melodrama. A quick, I'm sorry but I cannot except this or you're very kind but no thank you is all there is to it. The need to explain away why you came to this determination is not necessary. Stand firm. Those who truly care about you will fully understand and move on, as seen in the comments left in our past article. It's those who may be showing inklings of a darker nature that will try to manipulate the situation or demand an explanation so that they can counter and show you that you're mistaken and wrong. As the classic etiquette book by Vogue states: "The one thing to avoid (when refusing gifts) is indecision.".

As already mentioned above when to say no can be very gray in nature. When in doubt go with your gut feeling. Listen to it. Unless yours is deeply compromised and has led you down the wrong path in the past (for this professional help might be needed to realign it), let it be your guide. According to a number of researchers and the much buzzed The Luck Factor, book author and physiologist Richard Wiseman explains that those who are some of the most successful in life know how to listen to their intuition and instincts. If you feel uneasy when presented with a gift and something deep is saying give it back, do just that. Declining gifts can be part of setting healthy boundaries in life, for more on this watch this video by one of my favorite YouTuber's, holistic psychotherapist Victoria Lorient-Faibish.

Another help is etiquette itself which can act as a buffer to situations that can turn very bad later on. In my past piece, How To Say No To Gifts, some of the most popular reasons why (some tongue & cheek) you should say no were covered. These include declining expensive gifts from coworkers or a boss which may be seen as fraternization or turn into sexual harassment (for more on this see this from etiquette expert Emily Post). Another major breach of etiquette is to except gifts from someone who is clearly romantically interested in you but, in your heart, know will never have such feelings returned.

In most cases excepting expensive gifts from someone you have just met and do not fully know is to be treated with extreme caution. Some cases have shown those who seem incredibly generous with gifts are actually deeply controlling in relationships and looking to create obligations. They might even use anything given as a way to continue contact once things have ended. In private eye Gavin De Becker's book Gift of Fear he cautions to think about the possible future ramifications of your actions and how accepting things and drawing out the giving back process can end up facilitating stalking. Showing how a simple no thank you with as little emphasis placed on it as possible and moving on can be the best answer to everything.

The Breakup. Another common question is do I have to return gifts once a relationship ends? In the olden days etiquette dictated that gifts went back to the giver if they were "romantic" in nature--right down to love letters so that, if need be, they could be burned by the writer. Nowadays this have become less cut & dry. Although even way back in the 1600's this was cause for debate (see 32 Questions on Love here). During recent conversations someone pointedly said, "why would you want to keep something from such a painful experience? It will always remind you of it and them.". My sentiments exactly.

Again the advice from Gavin De Becker above finds itself very pertinent to these situations as I've seen many cases go into retaliatory litigation, begging the questions, is it really worth it? Probably not. Also look at the laws regarding broken engagements and rings.

A Reason Not To Decline a Gift
One reason some feel the need to decline gifts is because they feel unable to give a gift in return. When it comes to giving and western etiquette this is a non-issue. You are not obligated to give a gift in return, for more on this read this. Deciding to pass on a white elephant or secret Santa gift game is totally understandable but declining gifts out of fear of having to give yourself could be putting up walls and rebuffing loving kindness coming your way. When people give you things for genuine, loving reasons there is zero expectation of repayment in kind. The act of giving is good enough.

Image:Letterary Press These delicate letterpress cards are perfect and even a tad bold for when you rather send your sentiments and return through the post.

Also Read:
- Can I Ask For My Gift Back?
- Return To Sender
- Do I Have To Give A Gift In Return?
- 32 Questions on Love (3 of which are on gifts)